Elizabeth Bowen the Irish writer once wrote “Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies.” it means that in our mind others are happy, joyful or mocking while we are left all alone and look like fools. Jealousy isn’t something we have much control over but nobody can help us to get rid of this problem, we have to do it by ourselves. Jealousy is a natural instinctive feeling,feelings of possessiveness, insecurity self-critical thoughts or shame are hidden by jealousy.
The real threat is not that important, the paranoia toward our partners, the critical inner voices that keep us from seeing ourselves as lovable persons, and the suggested humiliation that they foster is much more painful. It reminds us that we can’t trust anybody, and makes us doubt.
The critical inner voices are formed by bad experiences. If we felt insignificant because we were ignored when we were children, it is very likely we have carried this felling into adulthood and relationships.
In Othello, Shakespeare proves that jealousy is inherently unreasonable, as it is founded on the psychological issues of the jealous person, not on the behavior of the one who prompts the jealous feelings. As we are accusing our partners of betrayal, and for being rejecting cruel or distracted, we have to make sure that our inner voices are not speaking for us. Listening to these inner voices and not challenging them can lead to our worst fears, it can push the partner further away from us, maybe even into another person’s arms. So in order to maintain a healthy relationship we have to find and understand the roots and reasons of this jealousy. We can act against the thoughts that tell us to be suspicious, mistrusting and accusatory.Even if it will make us anxious in the beginning, if we continue it will strengthen us and improve communication with the partner, and this communication will bring more trust. And if there is really an infidelity calm down we will find a way to fight against it without these inner voices which never give good advices.